A Day In The Life of the Hollywood Producer

It's most likely that a majority of those enrolled in film school want to be a directors or cinematographers. Where are the producers? The job involves more than just heavy amounts of caffeine, cell phones with Bluetooth capabilities, and pompous assistants. It involves ambition and persistence. Hence, the typical day of a (working) producer.

The alarm wakes you up promptly at five. It's a frigid morning in Santa Monica, but you recently bought an E-class Mercedes (you're actually leasing it) and the vehicle has those heat-sensing amenities that make you feel warm and cheery inside. Literally. After revelling in your own ego for 2.5 seconds, you race off to the nearby Starbucks and get your latté fix, only to find your agent's assistant working behind the counter. Something went terribly wrong. You then drive eighty down various side streets only to come to a standstill at the studio gate. There was an anonymous bomb threat made, and security is tight. You swear it's Gary Busey who called it in, but you count to ten and go with the motions. Upon arriving on the lot, your first place to stop is at a meeting with the studio regarding the budget. It costs too much to produce your show, or at least that's what they say. Some hotshot suit then pipes in a comment that relates your series to "Nash Bridges on steroids". You smirk and kindly explain that you'll cut out the car crash scene and make it happen in "post". You later pay a visit to your staff writers and threaten them to discontinue writing action scenes for the rest of the season. It's not German TV. It's definitely not HBO. It's beyond your control. Keep in mind that your show is on its third episode. It also competes in the same time slot as CSI: Whatever. After those words of wisdom, you hijack a golf cart and drive yourself over to the stage. Production is stalled and it's only eight. The call time was six. The news only gets worse. You still have to shoot seven pages. You've only shot one scene. The director is now shooting inserts of prop weapons and some of the grips munching on stale peanuts like rabid squirrels. The reason behind this is the actor you hired. He's locked in his trailer and, no, it's not because he wants a bowl of green M&Ms. He wants to do his own stunts. You convince him to do what he knows best. Act. You compliment him on his new suit, then tell him that he can do only the stunts that involve running through busy streets (a controlled backlot) and screaming loudly. He agrees. Production is up and running. You, however, are not through. By this time, it's close to eleven. You make a call to your agent and ask him why he fired the assistant. He pauses and answers, "I'm getting divorced." You hang up and rush over to the post-production facility. The prior scenes look fantastic, but they'll need heavy amounts of ADR. The guest star of the episode, otherwise known as the other producer's wife, sounds like a hobbit with a voice box. After lunch, you forget the rest of the day. You're in and out of meeting after meeting. From marketing heads to underappreciated sound mixers, you solve problems, answer questions, and keep the peace. And you're last name isn't even Chopra. It's Goldstein. Finally, it's six. The sun is setting, and you can relax while thinking of the next day's adventures. Then the phone rings. You have to speak at USC. So you get in your E-class, adjust the radio to a local rock station, and pull out of the driveway. Somewhere between Century City and Hollywood, a familiar Guns N' Roses song starts to play. The lyrics speak for themselves: Welcome to the jungle. It's not fun and games. You take a deep breath and mutter to yourself, "Bring it on."

No animals or small children were harmed during this excursion. However, egos were bruised, relationships became tarnished, and an occasional verbal dispute escalated into a fist fight. But isn't that what producing entails? In some sense, yes. The complexities of such a day bring out the best and worst of a producer's multi-faceted abilities. Overall, the producer must manage crises as they pertain to the situation. Some compare the producer's role on a film to the Central Intelligence Agency. With all due respect, the producer is a key speaker amid the United Nations. Complaints, reassurances, and resolutions all bombard this leader at alarming rates. A true producer takes into consideration all of the suggestions and presides with the one (or many) that will benefit the production in the long-run. Leadership, in this case, is a top priority.